28/09/2012

'Life becomes easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got' - Robert Brault.

Maybe I'm still waiting for an apology from my dad, although truth be told there is a very slim chance this apology will ever see the light of day.
People have always said 'Time heals all wounds' but for me time has only seemed to make my wounds grow bigger and deeper.
I start to ask myself questions about my life and how I've ended up where I am today. Could I have done something to prevent things from turning out the way they did? Could I have stepped up and helped my sister and protect her from the cards that life life has dealt her. And saved her from her daily battle of the 'black dog', and could I protect my mum's heart from being broken, or was this really part of some 'bigger plan' that people always talk about.
Some people also believe that 'Everything happens for a reason' but I'm still trying to work out what that reason is. Because this whole chapter of my life that seems to be on constant repeat at the moment isn't benefiting anybody. Especially not me.
It's been 6 years and I still feel like I'm in the same spot I was back then just 6 years older. It's still a daily battle learning to accept my new life, living with a whole new family, (which don't get me wrong I'm truly grateful for them). There is still a small piece of me that wonders what I've done to deserve this. Growing up I'd never thought I'd be the kid that has to decided which parent they want to live with, where they are going to spend birthdays, eater and Christmas. It just never seemed like that was going to be how my life would end up, but it did. All because of the choices my dad made. My whole life has been turned upside down and most days I still feel like I'm standing in my head, confused about wether or not after 6 years of constantly being lied to wether its even worth trying to work on my relationship with dad.
Because after all relationships can't be built on lies. But at the same time his my dad. What are you suppose to do when faced with this decision? And why does it seem to be taking this long to work through? Does it happen to everybody that goes through this? Can it really be that hard to accept my new life? Is it really worth fighting for? But do I really want to give up! I just don't know anymore.

They say 'life gets easier when you learn to accept an apology you never got' -Robert Brault, but maybe I'm still stuck on trying to accept it.

The people you'll meet

There are two people you'll meet in your life.
One will run a finger down the index of who you are, and jump straight to the parts that peak their interests.
The other will take his or her time to read through every chapter, and maybe fold down corners of you that inspired them.
You will meet these two people, it is a given.
It is the third that you'll never see coming, that one person who, not only finishes your sentences, but keeps the book.

This is your life!

This is your life, do what you love and do it often, if you don't like something change it. If you don't like your job, quit. If you don't have enough time, stop watching tv. If you're looking for the love of your life, stop, they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love. Stop over analysing, life is simple. When you eat, appreciate every last bite. All emotions are beautiful. Open your mind, eyes and heart to new things, people and places. We are united in our differences, ask the person next to you what their passions are and share your inspiring dreams with them. Travel often. Getting lost will help you find yourself. Some opportunities only come once, seize them. Life is about the people you meet and the things you create with them. So go out and start creating. Life is short, live your dream and share your passion.